One of the toughest things I’ve done in my life, much to my surprise, is to grow older. It’s not at all like I expected, which is probably why it’s so tough. My fantasy was kind of like the one I had when I was pregnant with my first child. I said that having a child wasn’t going to change anything. I’d take the baby everywhere and live the same kind of life I did as a person without children. Okay, so I was naive, but I know I wasn’t the only person in the world who thought this way. Those of you reading this who have children know that it didn’t work out the way I thought it would, and I have no complaints about those years of nesting with small children. But I do have complaints about aging.
I thought aches and pains would be for those less active than I am. Ha! I thought wrinkles would be becoming. Right! I didn’t know that wrinkles came with jowls, loose necks, thinning hair and pouchy eyes. I didn’t know that if I ate what I used to eat, I’d wear it around my middle. But that’s not really the worst part of aging. What has been the biggest surprise is all the losses of friends and family. It seems only natural to expect that, but there I was, naive me again.
People don’t simply die, either. That would be devastating, but not as difficult as watching those we love suffer or lose their bearings. If you’re dealing with that, you know what I’m talking about. I can put a positive spin on most things and find humor in the most awful times, but the sadness doesn’t go away. My nephew wrote a story about his observations and feelings about watching his grandmother (my mom) and her second husband (my step-dad for 20 plus years) age. I asked if I could share it on my blog, and he said yes. As you read it, I’m sure it will help you feel understood if this is what you are going through. It will also help break down your naivitee if this is in your future.
From Cole Naymark on 2/13/09
Once upon a time there lived a happy couple in their small nice home
in the sunny warm state. They spent many years on the little patio
next to their neighbors, enjoying the green grass and the view of the
pool. As the years continued to pass their neighbors slowly one by one
began to disappear from their lives. These people who were their best
friends were dying one by one. As more years passed, the woman started
to become angry. She became more and more angry but she didn’t know
why. With anger came meanness and the man became tired and withered
from her temper. He knew that the woman was angry because she felt
like she was living the life of a stranger. She could no longer
remember who she was, where she had been, and why she was doing what
she was. This made her scared and confused on the inside but angry on
the outside. Soon she was moved away and the couple was no longer a
happy couple. She was moved to a room far away that was as familiar to
her as the sunny home she’d once lived in for twenty years. The man
was alone now. Lonesome lead to sickness. He too now had to leave the
sunny home. The small home now sat empty…void of all that made it
warm and full of life. The man now lays in a bed, barely able to move
from sickness. He weighs no more then a young child. The woman comes
to see him but is still angry and still does not know why. She can not
understand the sickness the man has because she does not remember what
sickness is. She leans over to say good bye to him, that he will get
better soon and they’ll return to their sunny home; the home she
doesn’t remember, only knows now that it once existed, somewhere. He
says “Dear, I am not going to get better…we are not going home”. She
stares at him blankly, repeats it again, and walks out of the room
she’ll never know she was in.
true sad story