I think I’m clear, but obviously, I’m not as clear as I think I am. I’ve been making some assumptions. When I say “parent” or “teacher”, I am sure the listener knows I’m talking about leadership, though I may not use that word. When I talk about parenting styles or classroom management, I’m sure the listener knows that I’m talking about the leader in the family or the classroom. You can imagine my surprise when I heard from two parents who have been working diligently with me to implement Positive Discipline, that they had no idea I was referring to leadership. So let me make it perfectly clear as to what I think: if you are the teacher, you are the leader in your classroom. If you are a parent, you are the leader in your family.
As a leader, I encourage you to be both kind and firm rather than a dictator or a pushover. I hope that you have more maturity than your kids and aren’t afraid to set the parameters in the family while leaving room for flexibility and learning from your kids. I expect you to think long and hard about your goals as a classroom leader and/or family leader and constantly question whether your methods are moving things in the direction you want. My wish is that you will never use punishment or criticism or shaming or blaming to help young people grow into empowered, encouraged, capable, resilient, responsible, loving beings. Naturally, I encourage you to read any and all of the Positive Discipline books to accomplish this if you need some help.
A kind and firm leader knows how to listen for feelings, offer choices, use family and class meetings to involve kids in decision making. A kind and firm leader isn’t afraid to say, “No,” or “I understand how you feel, but it’s time for…” The suggestions are too many for this blog, but if you are curious, go to my website, www.lynnlott.com and check out the list of books available. I have excerpts from all of them to give you a taste of what you might learn by reading them.
I’m hoping that maybe, just maybe, as you read my books, you’ll actually find the word “leader” somewhere within. If you don’t, throw another egg on my face!
If you start at the end of this conversation instead of the beginning, you’ll get to hear Katie sing one of her songs. It’s as interesting and compelling as Katie who openly shares about her switch to Electronic High School and how it came about. For any of you who have kids struggling with school, you might want to check out this conversation. Katie is also curious about the meaning of her childhood memories. We explore one of them and get an excellent picture of Katie’s private logic, or operating system, or set of rules that she uses to figure out her life. Katie’s joy and curiosity about learning about herself are contageous. As you listen, perhaps you will want to learn more about yourself using your childhood memories as the path to awareness.
I’m looking for a clever, witty answer to that question while I wonder why two complete strangers have asked it of me recently. When I look in the mirror, I do see an older version of the person who lives inside my head…but not that old! I must look like I’m about 90 and just don’t realize. Otherwise, why would someone ask such a strange question of a complete stranger? I could respond with, “Why do you ask?” or “Do I look old to you?” or “Are you kidding me,” but none of those retorts have the edge I’m looking for.