In this day of diagnoses, I guess I’d rate at the very least opositional defiant. I prefer to think of myself as someone who marches to my own drummer and will only follow rules that make sense to me. I was born upside down and backwards, and have been spending a lifetime trying to get folks to see the world from my point of view. When I’m successful, I’m not oppositional at all.
Many years ago our office of therapists decided to do a “ropes” course together, sometimes known as an adventure challenge course. I couldn’t have been more excited and wanted to try everything out. There was an activity with some sort of mesh type trampoline. The instructions were given for all of us to line up on the side of the trampoline. I rushed to the side as instructed, waiting for everyone else to join me, and couldn’t understand why the rest of our group (around 10 people) were all standing on the other side. It never occured to me that I was the one who mis-heard the directions and not them. I wasn’t trying to be opositional and actually thought I was doing as instructed, but the group was so used to me having a different point of view that, to this day, I think they still believed I was goofing off and trying to be difficult.
When I met my husband Hal, I told him that I was like a wild horse. If someone tried to fence me in, I’d jump the fence to escape. If they left me to my own devices, I’d be joining everyone else most of the time because it’s what I prefer. Hal has been the best at never fencing me in. Ahhh, how I wish I were as good at extending the kindness back to him, but alas, he’s much nicer than I am.
You may be wondering why I’m writing this and what’s my point. Well, obviously, I may be breaking a few rules that don’t make sense to me. The rules make so little sense, I’m not even sure what they are, but I’m intent on being my own person and doing what in my mind is the right thing. It’s taken a lot of years, but I accept who I am and hope that my differences have added more to the world than they’ve taken away. Or at least I’d like to think so! And I wish for all those kids who march to their own drummer that folks stop building “fences” to hold them back and have some faith that they want to belong and contribute in spite of their difference.